To those no longer with us

As-salaam.

The past week has been an emotional rollercoaster for my family. My aunt passed away on Sunday 7^th of July at Groote Schuur Hospital. What we thought would have been a quick janaazah, turned into a 3-day janaazah as we had to wait for the body to come from the morgue. In the past Muslim’s would be the first priority at the morgue as we bury as soon as possible. Unfortunately, due to a backlog at Salt River, we had to wait and wait. As my aunt passed away on a Sunday, we were told that we had to wait till Monday to find out which number on the list she was,  as the Pathologist’s do not work on a Sunday.  Our family contacted them on Monday only to find out that they had to do 52 autopsies and they were unable to tell us when she would be seen to. Finally Tuesday at 13:00 we were called to say that we could fetch her from the mortuary. Alhamdulilah my aunt was buried on Tuesday night.

My aunt was loved by all this was evident by the people that came to pay their respects to the family. Once everything was completed, I realized,  I haven't seen my kids for 3 days, which is a big deal for me. Ahmed thank you. You survived 3 days without me.

For two parents dealing with 2 kids on a normal day is a lot, for a single parent it is so much more and I can only imagine what it must feel like. Thankfully our boys are fairly easy, the first day was not a big deal for them,  by day 2 they realized that I was not around. Ebrahim in his own way understood as we explained that Naani is gone to Allah’s house. Uthmaan did not understand why I was not there. He would climb into our bed and curl up next to me. He also refused to go and sleep until I got home, which meant Ahmed could either leave him and he would eventually fall asleep or he could rock him to sleep.  Alhamdulilah they managed and we got through it and a week later it feels like it was an eternity ago.

Sitting today with tears in my eyes, I wonder how do we explain death to our kids. We (Ahmed & I) normally say the person has gone to Allah’s home or he has gone to visit Allah. Is it enough for them or do we need to give more detail? I feel it is enough information for them and once they start asking questions we will explain. In our home, we choose to remember those no longer with us so we often talk about these special people. We try and keep their memory alive as much as possible,  by remembering it hurts a little less.

My cousin went to visit her Mom’s grave on Saturday afternoon and took her youngest daughter with her. Layaan (5-years-old) said when they left the graveyard “Salaam Naani I love you” she also told her dad “Naani is sleeping in the garden with Allah”. My beautiful niece in her own way told us that her grandmother is at peace. This is how I found closure in losing my aunt.

Chat soon.As-salaam

Ayesha