13 Years …. and going strong. 

 

Salaam all,

Seems like yesterday that Ahmed and I met. It was a blind date thanks to my sister and Ahmed's cousin (story for another day). We met a La Playa at the Waterfront it was a Sunday afternoon in January 2009. I spilled Mango juice on my pants (yes that actually happened), he jumped at the opportunity to help me clean it off my leg. He drove me home and met my parents that same night. Yes, things moved very quickly that day. He stayed for supper and after supper he asked my eldest brother if he could see me again. In true form, my brother (got to love him) says "we will see …" and walks away. He went home and told his mom he wants to get married she needs to plan. Lol. 

That same month we got engaged and 6 months later we were married. 

 

Yes, I know it sound crazy and weird and and.... but when you know you have met your soulmate you know. 

Thank you, Ahmed for being my rock through everything. May Allah grant us everything of best today, tomorrow, and always, In Sha Allah Ameen. 

 

Salaam 

Ayesha 

 Happy Adoption Day Uthmaan.

Salaam all, 

5 yrs ago we went from a family of 3 to a family of 4. Ebrahim went to school as normal that day but it wasn't a normal day. He knew that his brother was coming home. The week before Uthmaan came home we placed photos we received all over the house. Ebrahim would look at them and talk to them.

It was a coldish morning we dropped Ebrahim at school and then went to the adoption agency in Wellington. The social workers were amazing from the beginning. Even though it was not our first adoption they still  held our hands and guided us through the whole process. The drive was not long but Ahmed and I were very quiet. Both of us having thoughts of would he bond with us? All the normal worries that any new parent would have. We arrived at the agency and we sat with our social worker just chatting. There was a knock at the door and in walked in Ouma and Oupa (the safety parents), holding Uthmaan in their arms. 

He was the most Masha Allah child, he had these round cheeks and big bushy hair, but he never smiled not once not even a smirk nothing. Ahmed held him first and recited the Athaan in both ears. I took him and kissed his hands. We were both in awe of our new little man, we looked up and Oupa had tears in his eyes. Uthmaan was there first pre-adoptive child, he had been with the family for 4 months and they had a bond. Ahmed asked Oupa to hold him again, as Uthmaan was in Oupa's arms the tears rolled down his face which made us all cry. I can only imagine that feeling. Once Oupa and Ouma had said there good byes we left, to fetch Ebrahim. 

Ahmed fetched Ebrahim at school and then came home. I remember him saying as they walked in, Ebrahim someone is home. Ebrahim walked into the lounge and looked at me and Uthmaan on the floor. He walked over hugged his brother and kissed his forehead and said I love you. Uthmaan looked up at him and smiled. That's the moment we knew that it was all going to work out. 

From that day forward Ebrahim (Dada) and Uthmaan have been inseparable, the bond they hold is truly a brotherly bond. 

Thank you Uthmaan for all that you have brought to our family, we love you to the Moon and then some. 

Welcome home Uthmaan. 

Love you always. 

Mom, Dad and Dada.

 Salaam all,

 

Happy Adoption Day Ebrahim

8 Years ago, Ahmed and my world changed forever. Our little bubble grew from 2 people to 3 people in the space of a week. We received the call on the 17th of February 2014. Our duas had been answered. OMG, we are going to be parents!!!! (That had to sink in for a moment).

I cried the day we got the call, so did Ahmed. That week went by in a bit of a blur, we were running around trying to get baby stuff for a baby we have never seen, held, or smelt. I was working late that week trying to finish off our financial year end and preparing to hand over my stuff as I was going on maternity leave.

The night before we had to fetch you Ahmed and I hardly slept.

Finally, the day arrived, I had butterflies in my stomach and all these thoughts ran through my head. What if we don’t bond, what if I can’t calm him down, there were loads of what ifs.

The moment Mama Margriet brought you in the room and Ahmed held you in his arms, all those what ifs disappeared.

I know now that we will always have what ifs, but what I am sure about is that you are our blessing.

We are privileged to be called your parents.

 

We love you and your brother more than you could ever imagine.

 

May Allah keep you and all children safe.

 

Love Mom and Dad.

Emergency

 

Aslm,

Ever wonder what will happen if you get sick at home and you alone with your kids. I had to find out the hard way. A few years ago, I got sick at home and Ahmed had left for work. It was just Ebrahim and myself at home. Ebrahim was 3 years old at the time and the period cramps hit me bad that day. I was in so much pain, I was curled up in a foetal position on the floor with my 3-year old patting my back. He placed a blanket on top of me and said mom what can I do? I remember asking him to pass me my cell and dialing Ahmed’s number. After that I do not remember much, the next thing I do remember is that Ahmed came home and Ebrahim ran to say that Mommy is sick. The next few hours were a blur and when I do come to my senses, Ahmed is home chilling with Ebrahim as if nothing had happened.

From that day onwards, I have tried to as much as possible to prep both my boys for what to do if either Ahmed or I get sick when we alone at home. An easy way was to paste the numbers of my emergency contacts on the wall. It had to be a place that they boys can see easily. Another easy way is to use the emergency call option on your phone. You can pre-program it with the relevant numbers, I have taught the boys how to access and who to call. But one of the most important things I had to teach them is to remain calm and think.

I know it is a lot to place on these little souls, but it could save you one day.

Khuda-hafiz

Ayesha

Tantrums and then some

Aslm all,

I know it has been a while since my last post, sorry life happened. Hope you enjoy today’s post; I would love to hear from you please post a comment.

Most parents will tell you by the age of 2 children start throwing tantrums. The tantrums range from crying to shouting, to laying on the floor kicking and screaming or even hitting. Why do children have tantrums, its mainly because they are unable to express or process how they feel. These little people are starting to feel everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything. There emotions would range from the normal happy to sad and everything in between.

But the key is how to deal with these tantrums, I had to learn the hard and I am still learning. My boys unfortunately did not have major tantrums at age 2, there is started at 3 years. When they hit 2 years, I thought this is it lets get the tantrums over and done I mean it is an only year of dealing with it. That was not the case with my boys. Spoiler Alert:  I am still dealing with tantrums, but it varies every day.

Each child is different and that is a good thing, Ebrahim is an easy child his tantrums mainly consisted of him crying a lot. Uthmaan tantrums is very different, he is moody and likes to hit, small thing tends to set him off or irritate him. Ebrahim was very verbal even at a young age and would be able to tell me if something was irritating him or if he tried to explain to me how he felt. Uthmaan is unable to tell me how he feels, which tells me that he is unable to express or does not know how to express his feeling just yet. It is not a bad thing, remember each child matures at different rates and is able to process things differently.

Often, I am told that he (Uthmaan) is naughty, he is not naughty he is just being a boy i.e. mischievous. He loves to test your limits and can really push you to it. But that is a good thing coz not only does it teach me self-control. It also teaches me to think before I react because my reactions will stay with him. It is hard work as I always must ask myself how my reactions are being interrupted by him, does he see me as a loving and caring Mom or as a stern Mom. Essentially, he needs to see me as both and not just the one. He needs to understand that there are consequences for every action, but these consequences do not have to be bad its just how you look at it.

For example:

A few nights ago, I was bathing him, and I poured the water over his head to wash his hair. Firstly, this is a big no in his books, coz he will tell you when he is ready for the water to go over his head. But because I did it and he was not ready, he started to cry. The more I tried to explain that I needed to wash his hair, the more he cried. Once I had finished bathing (all through the bath he was still crying), he refused for me to take him out of the bath. By this time, Ebrahim was already finished bathing and was trying to help me calm him down. But he had none of it, Ahmed even came in and tried and it could not get him to calm down. I picked him up, kicking and screaming, and carried him to his room. After 5 attempts of trying to get him to stand still so that I can dry and dress him. I gave up and turned my attention to Ebrahim. Uthmaan is still crying (it knows almost 30 minutes later; he is literally hoarse from crying but will not stop). Again, I try and dress but nope he refused for me to touch him. I try holding him in a bear hug, this normally helps as it gives him a sense of security, but it did not.  Ebrahim chats to him but nope it still not working, after 45minutes of crying we all tired and he eventually calms down and allows me to dress him. Afterwards, he gives me a big hug and I say to him ‘You know Mommy loves you” he nods that he understands me, “do you forgive me for pouring the water over you without your permission”, he says “No”.  That is okay by me, coz he is telling me that what I did, did not sit well with him.

 

This situation could have gone so wrong in so many ways (I could have shouted and screamed louder than him), but I did not. it was probably not the best of things for me to let him cry for 45 minutes, but (let us be honest) sometimes all we need is a good cry and them everything seems better.

 

One thing raising kids has taught me, the way I treat my kids is the way they will treat others. So, I constantly must ask how I want my kids to grow up. I want them to be good Muslim and a good person (so I have to teach them how to be this), I want them to love everyone, I want them to be challenge everything but in a respectful way (so I need to earn their respect). I want them to live life, to be fearless but cautious and enjoy every moment with family and friends. I want them to be protectors of the young, old, females and males and for those that are unable to stand up for themselves.

Wow, I have a long road ahead of me, but I am up for the challenge. I know I am trying to reach the moon with all the above, but that’s okay coz even if I get one thing right that will be an achievement.  

 

Khuda – hafiz (May Allah be your Guardian).

 

Ayesha

Potty training during a pandemic

Aslm all, 

 

I know it’s been a while since my last post and loads of things have happened. What I do want to talk about is I've managed to potty train Uthmaan during lockdown. 

Let me first say that Potty training is not easy (sjoe, I said it out loud). It is a hard job and takes time, patience and discipline. Girls seem to potty train quicker than boys not sure why but it is what it is. 

I will admit that when I tried to potty train Ebrahim, I failed miserably. It might have been because he was to young (he was just over 2 years old). All the books and articles I read indicated that children should start to potty train from 2 years on wards. Well..... this did not work for me or him. It was December 2015 and I was home, my company was closed for the holidays,  and I thought this is the perfect time for me to try. After a week of epic failure, nothing worked. I tried everything from him running around with no nappy on to letting him sit on the toilet every 30 min. The moment I put the nappy on he would pee. I was so frustrated and felt like I was a failure. It took some time but I realised that he wasn't just ready yet to be potty trained. It was only when he started his new school (still on a nappy at the age of 3), did he want to be potty trained. Thank you to Shabnam and her wonderful staff of Children's Garden Educare for getting my child potty trained. 

Uthmaan, well my feisty little man showed no indication at the beginning of this year that he wanted to be potty trained (he is 3 years old), so I left him. Shabnam sent out an email in February telling us that they would start potty training him and his friends this year. I was a bit skeptical as I was not sure if he was ready.  Then lockdown happened in March and that was the end of potty training for Uthmaan or so I thought. 

One morning in April/May (can't really remember the month but what I do remember is that it wasn't really cold weather so perfect weather to potty train), I decided to see what happens if I leave him with no nappy on for the day. He was running around butt naked in the house and would make a beeline for the toilet when he needed to go. Yeah!!!! its working (I did a little dance). We did this for a week and it worked, the next week I added a underpants and a tracksuit pants. This did not work, I had to probably bath him 3 times a days. I think the underpants made him think he had a nappy on and he would just go. So, I took the underpants out of the equation and left him with no underpants on and  only his tracksuit pants. This worked and is still working. Yeah!!! so we sticking to this until he shows me signs that he is ready to wear underpants. I am not really bothered about him not wearing underpants he needs to be comfy and if the underpants is making him uncomfortable, well then it has to go. 

All of the above is great news, but it must be a bit confusing because when Level 3 came into effect. Ahmed and I would take the boys for walks or bike rides in the area. When we out I would put a nappy on for him. because of the current situation, I do not want to take the risk of having to take my child to public toilets. We all know kids LOVE  to touch everything and stick their hands in their mouth. Until we have a better grasp on the pandemic, at home he has no nappy but if we out it he will have to wear a nappy. 

We do what we have to do, to keep our children safe. 

 

Chat soon, In Sha Allah, Ameen. 

Khuda Hafiz (May Allah be your guardian). 

Ayesha  

The wonderful world of building blocks

Aslm all, 

My boys love their building blocks, it doesn't have to be lego it can be any type of building blocks, as long as they can build. They will be busy  for hours. Not always together but that is normal for boys. They often fight over blocks, or so I've been told. 

Ebrahim and Uthmaan have this amazing imagination they able to build what they've dreamt about. We've had a Paw Patrol lookout tower to a bullet train. Creativity definitely runs in this family. 

After hours of playing, it's time to pack the blocks away. "I didn't mess it", are the words that normally follow. After about 20 minutes of repeating myself ( I sometimes feel like I am a tape recorder on repeat). They will eventually pack away with me helping them. 

Then comes those days that they refuse to pack it away. These are the days I bring out the big guns (my vacuum cleaner).  I will start to vacuum the passage and slowly make my way to the play area. Without fail my boys will shout " CLEAN UP QUICKLY" they've realized that if the blocks are in my way, I will vacuum it up and it will be never seen again. 😆 

It's one way of getting them to clean up without any hassle. 

FYI - a quick Google and this is what I found regarding Lego vacuum cleaner. 

 https://www.google.com/search?ei=Tg72Xs6OFYW78gK26pmIAg&q=lego+cleaner+vacuum&oq=lego+brick+clea&gs_lcp=ChNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwEAEYAjIECAAQRzIECAAQRzIECAAQRzIECAAQRzIECAAQRzIECAAQRzIECAAQRzIECAAQR1DhbVjTb2CbdGgAcAF4AIAB4wSIAeMEkgEDNS0xmAEAoAEB&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp#scso=_YQ72XrOPEJSx8gLqurqYAg75:0

But not long after  are the blocks back on the mat and  building starts all over again. 

Khuda Hafiz (May Allah be your guardian). 

Ayesha.