Tantrums and then some

Aslm all,

I know it has been a while since my last post, sorry life happened. Hope you enjoy today’s post; I would love to hear from you please post a comment.

Most parents will tell you by the age of 2 children start throwing tantrums. The tantrums range from crying to shouting, to laying on the floor kicking and screaming or even hitting. Why do children have tantrums, its mainly because they are unable to express or process how they feel. These little people are starting to feel everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything. There emotions would range from the normal happy to sad and everything in between.

But the key is how to deal with these tantrums, I had to learn the hard and I am still learning. My boys unfortunately did not have major tantrums at age 2, there is started at 3 years. When they hit 2 years, I thought this is it lets get the tantrums over and done I mean it is an only year of dealing with it. That was not the case with my boys. Spoiler Alert:  I am still dealing with tantrums, but it varies every day.

Each child is different and that is a good thing, Ebrahim is an easy child his tantrums mainly consisted of him crying a lot. Uthmaan tantrums is very different, he is moody and likes to hit, small thing tends to set him off or irritate him. Ebrahim was very verbal even at a young age and would be able to tell me if something was irritating him or if he tried to explain to me how he felt. Uthmaan is unable to tell me how he feels, which tells me that he is unable to express or does not know how to express his feeling just yet. It is not a bad thing, remember each child matures at different rates and is able to process things differently.

Often, I am told that he (Uthmaan) is naughty, he is not naughty he is just being a boy i.e. mischievous. He loves to test your limits and can really push you to it. But that is a good thing coz not only does it teach me self-control. It also teaches me to think before I react because my reactions will stay with him. It is hard work as I always must ask myself how my reactions are being interrupted by him, does he see me as a loving and caring Mom or as a stern Mom. Essentially, he needs to see me as both and not just the one. He needs to understand that there are consequences for every action, but these consequences do not have to be bad its just how you look at it.

For example:

A few nights ago, I was bathing him, and I poured the water over his head to wash his hair. Firstly, this is a big no in his books, coz he will tell you when he is ready for the water to go over his head. But because I did it and he was not ready, he started to cry. The more I tried to explain that I needed to wash his hair, the more he cried. Once I had finished bathing (all through the bath he was still crying), he refused for me to take him out of the bath. By this time, Ebrahim was already finished bathing and was trying to help me calm him down. But he had none of it, Ahmed even came in and tried and it could not get him to calm down. I picked him up, kicking and screaming, and carried him to his room. After 5 attempts of trying to get him to stand still so that I can dry and dress him. I gave up and turned my attention to Ebrahim. Uthmaan is still crying (it knows almost 30 minutes later; he is literally hoarse from crying but will not stop). Again, I try and dress but nope he refused for me to touch him. I try holding him in a bear hug, this normally helps as it gives him a sense of security, but it did not.  Ebrahim chats to him but nope it still not working, after 45minutes of crying we all tired and he eventually calms down and allows me to dress him. Afterwards, he gives me a big hug and I say to him ‘You know Mommy loves you” he nods that he understands me, “do you forgive me for pouring the water over you without your permission”, he says “No”.  That is okay by me, coz he is telling me that what I did, did not sit well with him.

 

This situation could have gone so wrong in so many ways (I could have shouted and screamed louder than him), but I did not. it was probably not the best of things for me to let him cry for 45 minutes, but (let us be honest) sometimes all we need is a good cry and them everything seems better.

 

One thing raising kids has taught me, the way I treat my kids is the way they will treat others. So, I constantly must ask how I want my kids to grow up. I want them to be good Muslim and a good person (so I have to teach them how to be this), I want them to love everyone, I want them to be challenge everything but in a respectful way (so I need to earn their respect). I want them to live life, to be fearless but cautious and enjoy every moment with family and friends. I want them to be protectors of the young, old, females and males and for those that are unable to stand up for themselves.

Wow, I have a long road ahead of me, but I am up for the challenge. I know I am trying to reach the moon with all the above, but that’s okay coz even if I get one thing right that will be an achievement.  

 

Khuda – hafiz (May Allah be your Guardian).

 

Ayesha